Matchmaker

Saturday we visited Fez and then went wine tasting. It was an excellent day. We saw all sorts of artisans at work and tasted the legendary (?) Moroccan wine ;) The real adventure happened when we got home, however.

First, it is necessary to describe my family and their relationships. The names have been changed to protect the innocent... and to simplify the situation. From this point on my host parents will be known as "mom" and "dad". Dad had two sons (A and B) with his first wife, and his first wife passed away when the boys were adolescents. Dad then married Mom and they had one son (C) together. Mom has a younger sister that we'll call Sara. Okay, now the story can begin.

A couple weeks into our stay here we learned that A was engaged to Sara. However, the purpose of Saturday's dinner was to make that engagement official. We had dinner at Sara's parent's house (or Mom's). We were greeted warmly. On different occasions we have had the opportunity to meet most of the adults in Mom's family. We were brought up to the second floor of the house where there was a formal living room. Anne and I ended up being seated in between Dad and Sara's father. Mom mouthed to us while we sipped our tea and ate our cookies that Dad was about to start discussing the marriage of their children.

I sat transfixed as the two men discussed the match. They spoke in Arabic, so I was not able to understand word for word, but Dad started the conversation and seemed to do most of the talking. It was a serious conversation, and everyone besides the two fathers sat mute in the room, watching. I don't think that there was ever any doubt that the match would be anything but approved of, but nonetheless, nothing seemed to be taken for granted. A and Sara were also in the room, but they sat just as quietly as the rest of us. It was strange that the two persons who this matter affected most said nothing.

I doubt that I will ever again be witness to such a situation. No, it wasn't the kind of arranged marriage that one usually thinks of, but it was in a way being arranged by the fathers. It was up to Dad to convince Sara's father that the match was a good one, and Sara's father had the power to approve or disapprove the match-the final say. Coming from a place where a man asking the father's permission is seen by many as an outdated tradition, it was definitely a unique insight into a different world.

When the formalities of the occassion had been finished, we moved on to dinner and dessert. It was like Thanksgiving. The whole family was together, the children played while the adults talked, and everyone ate too much.